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How To Love Unconditionally (Open Relationships vs. Monogamy?)

October 18, 2015


“I love you unconditionally.”

How often have you said or heard someone say those words to you?

Nothing feels better right?

But equally how often have you experienced the moment you do something that they don’t like, and the other person gets mad and withdraws their love.

I sometimes say it should be more like “I love you unconditionally IF you behave according to my set of rules, and regulations.”

This is not unconditional love but control. And control is the master addiction.

To really love unconditionally is a holy act and one of real courage. To learn to love unconditionally is a humbling lifetime practice.

Real love gives freedom. And in freedom there is always choice. Choice to do or not do. Then you know the love is real.

Love is not demanding it be only your way.  Love is not guilt. Love is not shame.

You know you are in the right relationship when you are encouraged to be more fully yourself.

To love another unconditionally is to truly see who they are, beyond their personality and to love their soul. To love another unconditionally is to commit to their soul’s growth and evolution.

In a romantic relationship we are often afraid to give our significant other this level of freedom out of fear. We are afraid that they will perhaps betray us, leave us or won’t love us the way we want.

Perhaps you have felt this fear?

Whenever you do something out of obligation and fear you don’t give all of yourself.

Every relationship is the opportunity to practice integrity and to live your spirituality in everyday life.

I recall one day a married friend of mine came to me saying that he wants to have an open relationship and see multiple partners?

“Kute, I just want to be free!” were his words.

But what is real freedom really?

To simply act out on all of your desires doesn’t mean you are truly free, it may simply mean you are being run by your conditioning making you a slave to your desires.

I told him, “Dating multiple partners won’t bring you real freedom if you aren’t free within your own heart. If your heart is closed, if you don’t know who you really are and you aren’t expressing your true heart’s gifts”.

There’s a lot of talk in some spiritual or Tantra circles about how monogamy isn’t working anymore.

To me it’s not about monogamy or open relationships but what you bring to it is what makes the difference. Beyond rigid rules and right/wrong, each person must find the most authentic expression of their heart.

This may change depending on what lessons that your soul most needs to learn at that time.

When you love someone unconditionally you dare to speak your truth with love and vulnerability.

If you communicate how you feel up front, they at least have a choice whether to continue in relationship with you or not, rather than being there under false pretense.

If you both agree to being monogamous and faithful to each other, then honor that commitment. Or whatever commits you made to each other.

But if it’s not your authentic truth and you are simply agreeing to what you think you should, then you are already being unfaithful to yourself and your partner.

If your agreements no longer feel true for you, then honor yourself, honor your partner, honor your love by speaking the truth.  Have the courage to renegotiate your commitment and find a new relationship format or agreements that allows for more love to be expressed between you both.

Whether you are with one partner or multiple, the real freedom is in how open your heart is to allowing the deepest expression of love that is seeking to happen through you.

You can be in an open relationship with many partners and still be closed in your heart. You can be in a deeply committed intimate relationship and be truly open in your heart.

Real openness is beyond form. It’s a state of being within yourself.

Loving is not limited, love’s depth is infinite. We live in a world of seven billion people so there will be seven billion different ways of loving.

Real freedom is the courage to love another with all your heart and be committed rather than controlled by your fear.

Real freedom is to be connected to your authentic self and making choices that are in alignment with your soul.

Real freedom is a discipline of the heart and to sacrifice what is lesser for what is more.

Real freedom is a commitment to love.

To love someone unconditionally requires that you love yourself. You can’t truly give that to another unless you give it to yourself.

Loving another person unconditionally doesn’t mean you agree to do whatever they want if it doesn’t feel right and honoring of yourself.

Loving another unconditionally doesn’t mean you do so whilst sacrificing yourself and your well-being.

You must honor yourself. It’s then that you can truly honor your partner. To truly love unconditionally requires the ability to say “No”. When you have the ability to say “No”,  it makes your “Yes” authentic.

To love another unconditionally is to truly want the best for them even if that means not with you. You may have different needs and wants that just aren’t compatible.

Commit to loving each moment of your relationship. Sometimes this may mean you have to end a relationship. But other times it may mean you must commit more deeply to working on your relationship, even though it’s challenging.

When you commit to loving unconditionally you are committing to the highest good in any given situation.

Commit to loving big and miracles beyond what you can imagine will be yours.

Love.Now

Kute

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